The current New Age thought would have me believe people will eventually let me in if I keep knocking at their door. However something my friend told her daughter after a break-up resonated with me “If you give 80% of yourself and the relationships ends you are going to feel like there is nothing of you left.”
I am all for forgiveness and building bridges but can your actions really change another person when their mindset and belief system always confirms their own point of view? It is one thing to have empathy for another person but what if they cannot have it for you? Is it a Spiritual act to keep trying and getting the same results or is it what I like to call the pursuit of unhappiness?
When do we let go and let God? We all want to be liked, want to be loved, want to be heard, acknowledged and respected. And when these things do not happen we get frustrated and put more effort into getting to that happy ever after place.
But are we really pursuing happiness or creating more unhappiness in our lives? I think there has to come a point where you step away otherwise you run the risk of going down with the ship. It may be all new age to have ‘happy’ thoughts about people but the reality is there are some patterns of behavior that go so far back and are so ungrained people will never move beyond the reality they cling too.
So where does this leave you? Continually banging on the door saying let me in. Maybe they will one day but what do you lose in the meanwhile? I believe there has to come a point where you let go and let God hand it over and go ‘I gave it everything I had but I am not prepared to lose myself in the process.’ You can still wish the other person well still love them it just means rather than wearing yourself out knocking on their door you are saying my door is always open if you wish to walk through it. Leave it unlocked shift the responsibility instead of building bridges build your life and invite them to be part of it. If you do this and they say no then maybe ‘they are just not into you.’
And that’s okay the biggest mistake we make is thinking if someone does not like us we are somehow horrible people. By all means think happy thoughts about people wish them success and happiness pray for a miracle own your own part in everything send a prayer be gracious giving and forgiving. But do not give up your life your self your happiness in the process. People who care about you care about your happiness. It is that simple. People who have something to hide stand behind doors they do not open them. People who do not have the tools of compassion empathy and self reflection cannot build bridges they create roadblocks instead.
Let go stand back take a breathe and a step forward in the pursuit of happiness.